Friday 4th February (More is More)

Mr. Kite looked out of his bedroom window to see the dark grey clouds in the sky and the tree tops swaying violently. With each gust a few more rain drops hit the window and ran down onto the window sill. On the path Mr. Kite could see the postman battling against the wind and rain. Mr. Kite watched him as he was delivered some mail to the front door.

Being older, organised, orderly and paying bills by direct debit, standing orders or paypal Mr. Kite does not receive bills or red letters threatening to turn off the gas or repossess his home, so the post is easily dealt with. Flyers, adverts and junk mail are recycled and receipts, statements and correspondence are filed. Today Mr. Kite instantly recognised the stamped address envelope that lay amongst a flyer for Donna Kebab, whoever she is and whatever services she offered. This envelope contained some very important items; the membership cards for the RSPB Shropshire Group.

Now having subscribed to the Shropshire Ornithological Society for a number of years Mr. Kite was pleased to receive confirmation that he is still a fully paid up member and can lounge around in the comfort of the members hide. So Mr. Kite then glued his membership cards loosely into his diary. Mr. Kite was pleased with the little pink cards and accepted the The Treasurer's apology explaining why the membership cards were not sent return of post. Mr. Kite was envious of her three weeks birding etc. in Costa Rica and looks forward to the pictures at an indoor meeting. Mr. Kite does not pledge his hard earned money lightly and is very cynical about how it is spent. Having cancelled his Labour Party subscription on learning that some of the funds were used for a personal hairdresser for an M.P's wife the SOS can be assured that providing the money is spent on the reserve, and not on hairdressers for SOS members he, and his family, will continue to subscribe.

Having willingly paid his subscription Mr. Kite was keen to cycle to Venus Pool but the weather was not too promising. Now when the sky is blue and the sun is shining, and the air is still and it is warm Mr. Kite is easily motivated to leave his house and cycle to Venus Pool and the surrounding area. Today Mr. Kite needed some motivation to stir himself from the comfort of his front room.

Many years ago, when Mr. Kite studied seriously, he stopped using his slide-rule by learning the language of Pascal to program computers and calculate. Before the days of GByte, when the KByte was king, Mr. Kite liked to develop algorithms to solve problems and answer questions using as little memory as possible with simple questions. Being a binary sort of person Mr. Kite sees things as black or white, on or off, one or zero and the answer to a question is either yes or no.

Now Mr. Kite likes the odd tipple of bottled beer and after a thirsty day in the saddle he deserves a bottle.  The question arose how many bottles could he drink after a days cycling. Mr. Kite had a rule; he could only drink a bottle of beer if he had cycled more than ten miles. The scientific 'ten mile rule' is simply based on the calories used to cycle ten miles. Cycling ten miles at an average speed of twelve miles an hour will burn around than two hundred calories; and a five hundred millilitre bottle of beer is approaching two hundred calories. So to keep the equilibrium, and replace burnt energy, a ten mile ride deserves a bottle of beer. Now the question is simply; "Have you cycled ten miles?" If the answer is no; then you cannot have a bottle of beer. If the answer is yes; then you can have a bottle of beer. If this principle is extended then ten miles equals one bottle, twenty miles equals two bottles and thirty miles equals three bottles.

Now Mr. Kite enjoys words, answering questions and drinking beer. He is also familiar with flowcharts, mathematical notation and exaggeration so he developed his question to give him a simpler answer.

Asking the question, "Have you cycled ten miles?" had the response yes or no. 'Yes', entitled Mr. Kite to one bottle of beer and 'no', meant no beer only water. Now Mr. Kite thought carefully about the question and the response and by adding two extra words he solved the problem of 'how much he could drink'.

The question now is, 'Have you cycled more than ten miles?'. If the response is 'no'; then no beer. But if the answer is yes; then Mr. Kite is entitled to drink more than one bottle of cask conditioned bottled beer. So more really is more; more than one could be two, three, four, or more.

With the chiller full of beer Mr. Kite found his motivation to venture into the gusty wind and cycle along the wet roads to Venus Pool. Battling into a headwind Mr. Kite pedaled constantly looking at birds zoom by in the strengthening wind.

Venus Pool
Eventually Mr. Kite reached Venus Pool and entered the members hide using the secret number. With the wind speed increasing Mr. Kite did not open the windows but sat on a bench looking at Mallards bobbing about like ducks at a fare, Jackdaws and Carrion Crows flying backwards and Black-headed Gulls pulling 'nine g' as they turned to land on the water. Sitting in the hide on a bench Mr. Kite felt like being in a flight simulator traveling at over one hundred knots as leaves, twigs and branches rocketed over the roof of the hide into the pool. The birds were interesting to watch but Mr. Kite could only take so much buffeting 'in the flight simulator'.

Now Mr. Kite had pedaled all the way to Venus Pool but his return trip was much easier. With a tail wind Mr. Kite sailed home effortlessly.

After a shower and a change of clothes Mr. Kite asked the question, "Have you cycled more than ten miles?". The answer was yes so Mr. Kite was entitled to more than one bottle of cask conditioned beer.

Todays tipple is from the Barnsley Beer Company called 'GET THI COIT!. Thats pulled. So Mr. Kite settled by his cosy log fire and drank more than one bottle. Cheers until the next bottle and the next.