Sunday 13th February (Mr. Kite's Hide)

Mr. Kite looked out of his bedroom window to see the trees being buffeted by a strong wind and rain running down the window. Now with these conditions, and it being the thirteenth of February, Mr. Kite thought better about venturing out and opted to stay in. Mr. Kite is not a Christian but he probably is a Pagan. He certainly treats the number thirteen with undue caution and illogicality considering he has studied mathematics. Anyway Mr. Kite had a good morning reading the paper. Mr. Kite buys the big newspapers with plenty of words because he enjoys reading and writing. In fact Mr. Kite has had letters published in national newspapers. Anyway Mr. Kite always reads Rod Liddle, A.A. Gill and Charles Clover because he likes their humour and content.

Today Mr. Kite, after reading Charles Clover, was encouraged to sign a petition, on line, stating that the duty on beer should be slashed (no pun here, only a good word) so that beer consumption would rise and more pubs would stay open because drinking in the pub would be reasonably priced. Now Mr. Kite is enthusiastically in favour of drinking, beer, pubs, wenching, and a little debauchery in moderation. From this petition Mr. Kite also sent an e-mail to his M.P. urging him to reduce taxation on beer so that he can drink more on his restricted budget. More drinking, more slashing, more beer sold, more jobs created and the country's onto a winner.

Mr. Kite has a bird hide within his home. It is situated on the top floor of his three storey house and has wonderful views to the west; looking towards Wales. Now here is  Mr. Kite's description of the view. The dormer window is about one metre wide and one and a half metres high. Looking to the left Mr. Kite can see grey roofs, red chimney pots with aerials. Over the top of one roof he can see the top of the West Tower on the Abbey Church; looking closely he can see the clock showing that it is two-forty. Moving to the right there is the telephone exchange, the tower on top of the Wakeman School, the clock tower on top of Shrewsbury School, that overlooks the Quarry. Then moving farther right Mr. Kite can see the tower of St. Julians Church, and the Gothic spires of St. Alkmund's and St. Mary's Church with the old Royal Shrewsbury Infirmary in the fore ground. Moving further right there is Laura's Tower  and Shrewsbury Castle with the station roof just below. To the right of the castle in the distance about ten miles is Rodney's Pillar on the Breiddons. Looking over more chimney stacks to the right of the castle is Shrewsbury Prison; a large Victorian block with four large chimneys. From the prison Mr. Kite has about forty-five degrees of view that looks out over housing to the Berwyn Mountains in Wales; a distance of about thirty miles. On a good day Mr. Kite has stunning views and sunsets.

Today Mr. Kite is watching Wood Pigeons and looking down upon them as they glide into the trees in his garden and neighbouring trees. Now Mr. Kite enjoys watching birds and today from his hide he was hoping to see an unusual bird that sometimes makes an appearance. This bird has a varied plumage, diverse behaviour and can be tragic or comical. Mr. Kite has seen them perched on roofs and plucking chickens from supermarkets. They emanate all over the country, have different calls and songs. Mr. Kite is referring to the Jailbird. From his hide he can see their coup and sometimes they do make a noisy appearance perching on a roof and slinging tiles onto the street below. When they escape from the coup they show their most unusual and erratic behaviour climbing onto roofs and shouting. Marvelous stuff but seldom seen.

Now if Mr. Kite really wanted to see the Jailbird, and he has seen many, he would sit outside HM Prison at seven thirty in the morning when they are let loose. Often they flutter to the station to catch a train but sometimes the Jailbird family will appear in a battered old BMW and whisk them off. What Mr. Kite has found interesting is when they are released they try to scrounge money or a fag. Wonderful bird is the Jailbird especially when fed pot.

Any way today Mr. Kite did not see the Jailbirds but Shrewsbury Prison had had some distinguished 'birds' including Ricky Tomlinson. As he would call, "This is not a shaggy dog story; my a***e".

After a hectic day Mr. Kite enjoyed a tipple of Guiness Original. Cheers to the bird population; whether they are couped up or not.